well, i haven't exactly written much here, except for blurbs about the photos i have posted. i am stepping out on a pretty big limb here (although it feels like it's pretty small and fragile), i am not a big fan of writing. it makes my head hurt. and most of the time, i don't feel much better when i'm done. a few days later maybe, but not when i finish.
i have been starting to follow some other "mom blogs" lately and have been really inspired. we'll see how far this burst of inspiration actually takes me...
it's 12:01 am, i
should be sleeping.
really. my husband is sleeping, my daughter is sleeping (huge smile!) and
i am sitting here in front of the screen that makes my head hurt something fierce. i should be sleeping because the kid runs me ragged,
like a manaic, who thinks this is the only moment she'll get to run around and get into everything she can possibly wrap her fantastic little mind around. don't get me wrong, she is
the most amazing person, in line with my husband and my mother, but this child,
this person, came
out of me!! that puts her in a
whole new category.
i don't want to make this very long...keep it short, don't burn yourself out, ash. i just thought i'd get the ball rolling.
(me giving ball a rather apprehensive push)
i have depression. is that how you say it? it's really the only way that it feels right to say it, for me.it's something that has been a part of me for quite a long time, like late elementary school. it reared it's
ugly, and i mean
ugly, head a little over 4 years ago. wow. what a roller coaster, but with no coasting, at all. it got a really scary hold on me and took me for a very steep, very dark ride. with the support of my parents (and lots of, "here are your socks, put them on. here are your shoes, put them on.) the direction of my life was able to move on a steady upward plane. over the course of the next three and a half years i have been all ove that ride. up,
up,
down, up, down,
down,
down, up, down, up,
down...it's a little hard to keep track of now. i just hope for the normal days. i have been unmedicated (not very successful), medicated (much better results), in therapy (semi-productive...), not in therapy (semi-productive...), and just generally frustrated. it is so hard,
so hard, to explain to people what is going on with me, the daily struggle. now matter how close i am to them, no matter how much i
know they care about me and want to help me. if you haven't lived in this fantastic world, there's nothing to liken it to. nothing that i have run across, anyway.
sleep is approaching, i am waving my arms at it to get it to head in my direction. it seems to be responding to my efforts.
coming soon:
more words, 1st birthday and camping trip photos, and some random photos as well, because dang it, she is the cutest little maniac ever!
ok, some newer pictures of the boog. but still quite a few months old...i'll get the hang of this one of these days.
